True Nirvana

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I Think I Ate Your Chocolate Squirrel

Its funny when you think about the concerns parents have regarding the violent & immoral television & video games when even the children's stories that they expose them to aren't much better. I doubt many parents have sat down and thought fairy tales through before reading them to their children. Have you ever really thought about what children’s fairy tales are really teaching kids?

Jack & the Beanstalk is a prime example. Jack seemingly gets ripped off in an idiotic trade, which caused a beanstalk to grow. He climbs it thousands of feet in the air till he finds someone’s house where he enters (immoral act #1 breaking & entering); he finds a giant cannibal & he steals his goose that lays golden eggs & his magical harp (#2 theft), he attempts to escape with said goose & harp. On the way back home he ends up killing the giant (#3 murder). Jack lived hapily ever after the end. Can you find a moral anywhere in there?

Rumpelstiltskin is another terrible one. This man lies causing a death sentence on his daughter unless she can produce gold from straw for a king. Every night for 3 nights this short little man would come in and help her if she gave him something (this is already starting to look like an adult horror film) the third night she promised him her first born child. She marries the greedy king (who was going to kill her to begin with) & when she has a child the little man comes back for it. She ends up guessing his name so she can keep her child and Rumpelstiltskin commits suicide by ripping himself in half.

I could go on naming children’s stories with terrible plots from Hansel & Gretel to Alice in Wonderland but I think you get the point. However horrible these stories are though I must give them some credit. They still each share a common legitimate moral: Don’t do drugs!

Friday, June 24, 2005

Oh No Not Another List!

Due to a lack of originality & motivation on my part I have made a favorite list as well. So... uhh without any further ado

7 Favorite Video Games
1. Starcraft
2. Starwars Battlefront
3. Super Smash Brothers
4. Any Final Fantasy
5. Diablo 2
6. Dynasty Warriors
7. Chrono Trigger

6 Favorite Board/Card Games
1. Magic
2. Chess
3. Mastermind
4. Euchre
5. Kemps
6. Balderdash

5 Favorite Inside Jokes
1. The Great Cat Invasion of China
2. Why Alex & Erin like Tomb Raider so much
3. The I before E rule that gets on Michael's nerves
4. Crazed goblin's horrible error
5. Operation TT
(I would've included pink lace or thunder thighs but I fear getting pushed into a pool or beat up by a 2nd degree blackbelt. If I'm missing any others feel free to comment them.)

4 Favorite Pastimes (Other than Magic & video games)
1. Listening to songs I found on Kazaa
2. Snowboarding
3. Tennis
4. Singing P&W at Antioch

3 Favorite Songs
1. Smoke on the Water
2. Seven Nation Army
3. Here I am to Worship

2 Favorite Online Comics
1. Vgcats
2. Nuklearpower

1 Favorite Animal
1. Penguin

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Magical Pixie Gnomes of Qhipounge

Of all the species that has ever walked the earth none has been quite as mysterious as the Magical Pixie Gnome. They inhabit a small tropical island located 10 miles south of the South Pole known as Qhipounge. They look somewhat like lawn gnomes except they are 10 feet tall, 500 lbs, and they have tiny pixie wings on their backs used mainly for high-speed flight. They feed mostly on jackalopes but they have been known to sometimes eat their own young as an occasional snack. Their vast numbers are kept in check by their only natural enemy, the dreaded vampire penguin. The vampire penguin is a small black docile penguin that feeds mainly on plankton & giraffes. They have been known to sleep near cliffs where the magical pixie gnomes live. The magical pixie gnomes often trip on them and plummet to an abysmal demise. To learn more about the magical pixie gnomes & vampire penguins visit your local library. And remember kids reading is fun & knowledge is power!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

But I am NOT le tired...

Ok I have a new resolution for life. Less sleep. Sleep is basically wasted time that could easily be put to a better use (like playing snes games on your laptop all night). Now that I have a job that requires me to wake up at 5:30am many mornings I think I'm not going to worry about sleep too much. I got 4 and a half hours of sleep last night and I feel fine. Sure I was tired for about an hour after I woke up but I probably would've been anyway. Maybe if I ever get tired enough I'll just drink some coffee (I hate coffee). So I guess I'm taking an optomistic point of view towards my new job's hours (6:30-2:00). Instead of useless sleep I'm making money. In conclusion if scientists didn't sleep I bet they would've found the cure for cancer, the common cold, or even estrogen build-up (the worst disease ever).